Diagnosis
Since I was nineteen, I'm tweentythree now. It all started with an excruciating, stabbing pain in my head. Something wasn't right, and I could feel it. Painful. I figured it was just a really bad headache, maybe because I had been drinking too much alchohol. I ignored the pain, and didn't think much of it. After some time the stabbing pain dissappeared, and never came back. That pain came, and when it left, it dropped off a tremedous package. I wasn't thinking right, and my perception of the world was delayed. My brain felt heavy, and compressed. Imagine your brain bare without the coating of tissues, and your skull. Now, imagine someone taking the palms of their hands, and lets say they have splinters all over their hands. Now, just think about them rubbing, and pressing creating friction, and igniting fire at the same time. That is the best quality of explanation that I can give. That was the inside of my nightmare, the outside has some qurks too. Neurologist have this procedure they conduct. The one where they take a safety pen, and get to poking at your skin... gently that is. Imagine that times ten all around your face, and neck 24 hours, all day. I came up with every disease that matched my symptoms. I hated reading, and had limited patience for slow internet connections, but I became a nerd at the front of my Mom's Compact PC. I was obsessed with Google, and YouTube. I must've read a lot about disorders and conditions. One condition definitely caught my attention, which happened to be Syphilis. I thought to myself -that's it, that's what I have! This was in the second year, and I was so ecstatic, extremely excited, thinking I could finally have an answer. I went to my Doctor, sat in the office, and when she came in the first words out of my mouth were "I want to test for syphilis, I think I have syphilis?" My Doctor went ahead, and sent me to the Lab. Here I go again getting my blood drawn, and as many times I've been there I could've been making cash on the side for all that blood. Previously, my Doctor sent me in for blood test to check my iron, and liver function. I was iron deficient, and my liver had been inflamed. I was told that's normal, and all I needed to do was eat leafy greens, and lean meats. I was left pondering, because I consumed a healthy diet, and everything she told me to eat, was already on the menu for dinner. So much for my poor liver, nothing was looked into for that matter. In the back of my mind I thought the liver stuff could have been from me drinking, but I managed to shake that vice a year earlier. I was so wrong, and couldn't be any more incorrect. Back at the lab, the clinican made small talk, insulting my skinny veins because she had a hard time getting a hold of them. Finally, she had it, and started putting the tops, and things on the containers. I went home, and prayed that I would get an answer to my problem. Unfortunatly, the results were in and I was devastated. If it's not that, then what in the world is it?
I became an actor without any script or fancy camera. I would hang out with friends, and pretend that everything was fine and dandy. After a while, I slowly dissappeared. Almost as if I were a shadow. I liked it that way simply because if I wasn't around people, I wouldn't have to try so hard not to show my hands trembling, or my muscle jerks. I would just fall into my symptoms when alone. It was just me sitting against the wall, itching, scratching, shaking, and trembling. Almost like I had be frightened, or on some type of drug. Locked up abroad, but not completely. I was still around, but my brain wasn't. My Mother started to notice me with red glistening eyeballs. She would ask me what's wrong, and I'd just walk away. I didn't know how to express the way I felt to anybody. I was terribly sad, and lost. What helped me was creating an alter ego in some sort. I told myself, if I'm dealing with this, I can do anything. I said I was a Soldier. I said I was tougher than those Oakland, Ca streets.
Just thinking that way has helped me day to day. I talked a lot about the second year, but my third year is when it all folded out. I finally got an answer. An answer so unbelivable, that Doctors don't want to think twice about. The beginning. Where my life changed drastically, took the wrong turn in 2007. I was nineteen, just having fun and being careless with friends. We took that trip together to Cabo San Lucus, they brought back souvenirs, I brought back an unwanted guess...
I became an actor without any script or fancy camera. I would hang out with friends, and pretend that everything was fine and dandy. After a while, I slowly dissappeared. Almost as if I were a shadow. I liked it that way simply because if I wasn't around people, I wouldn't have to try so hard not to show my hands trembling, or my muscle jerks. I would just fall into my symptoms when alone. It was just me sitting against the wall, itching, scratching, shaking, and trembling. Almost like I had be frightened, or on some type of drug. Locked up abroad, but not completely. I was still around, but my brain wasn't. My Mother started to notice me with red glistening eyeballs. She would ask me what's wrong, and I'd just walk away. I didn't know how to express the way I felt to anybody. I was terribly sad, and lost. What helped me was creating an alter ego in some sort. I told myself, if I'm dealing with this, I can do anything. I said I was a Soldier. I said I was tougher than those Oakland, Ca streets.
Just thinking that way has helped me day to day. I talked a lot about the second year, but my third year is when it all folded out. I finally got an answer. An answer so unbelivable, that Doctors don't want to think twice about. The beginning. Where my life changed drastically, took the wrong turn in 2007. I was nineteen, just having fun and being careless with friends. We took that trip together to Cabo San Lucus, they brought back souvenirs, I brought back an unwanted guess...