Wellbeing
I've always had major trust issues in life. I'm not going to give a sob story about woe is me and that I had a bad childhood, because that couldn't be farther from the truth. I had a wonderful childhood, loving and caring parents, and always had a support structure around me to help me through the good and the bad. That is not to say that they have made mistakes, which is only natural, but for me it was what they chose to not tell me.
When I was 7 years old, my grandfather committed suicide. He had anxiety disorder as well. People have always said that it was to protect me or because I wouldn't understand, but for several years my parents lied about his death and the conditions of it. To add to that, at a drop of a hat, my father was transferred because of his job, so I was basically plucked out of the situation completely without any understanding, explanation, or time to heal with my family.
This pattern continued as I moved from school to school, never being in the same campus for more that two years, and moving a second time in my adolescence with the adults in my life.
When ever I believed I was confiding in someone, that my secrets, issues, concerns, problems, and the state of my own mental well-being, in either the adults in my life (teachers, administrators, counselors, managers, etc.) or my peers and coworkers, I am and have been constantly betrayed and stabbed in the back; making whatever issue or problem I had snowball and grow beyond my control.
More recently, a coworker and someone I thought of as a friend told a rather malicious lie when in a highly inebriated state to a girl I recently started dating in supposed confidence that potentially could have wrought irreparable damage to our relationship. The fact that she brought it to my attention did speak well of her that she communicated it to me, allowing me to defend myself.
I am not allowed to confront this person to try and get the whole story, which is even now still plaguing me, because a lie like that could truly be damaging to not only my relationship, but to my career, my studies, and my aspirations all could be undone by this statement, but I do not wish to betray my new girlfriends trust as she wishes that I not confront him...
So I am at a loss, and it is only adding to the monster of distrust that lives in me.